So a friend and I were having this discussion over lunch - time passes. Yesterday I was at another friend's house at the tail end of a toddler's birthday party. That is my definition of CHAOS - a house full of toddlers! I remember when that was my house. But it's not that way anymore. Time passes. The first five years of my eldest's life seem to go by so much slower than the past five years. She started school and suddenly time started to fly! Now she is ten and...
It has been almost a month since I last posted.
Where did the last four weeks go?
I know where last week went - I survived! That is all I did, but I DID survive. My husband was out of town all week and I had a migraine headache for four of the five days! Each day - I got up; I got us going and the girls to school; I went to work and did what I had to do; I came home and did what I had to do for the girls; I put them to bed and went to bed. No laundry, no cleaning, no TV, no blogging, no anything that didn't have to be done.
This week I am back to my normal schedule. This is my question - does life get lost in the "normal schedule" or is the "normal schedule" life? In true Orthodox fashion, I think the answer is yes. Yes, life consists of doing normal things in a normal fashion. And yes, I think sometimes I miss the very special moments in the normal-ness of my life. That special hug that happens everyday, but won't way too soon when they are all grown up! That special smile that says "I did something great, be proud of me!" That moment of thoughtfulness after a long day that says "I love you." Things that happen every day and can get lost in the 'every day'.
I am realizing today that I am very blessed and I need to cherish every moment!
(My friend also reminded me over lunch that I am almost 40. Maybe that is where all this maudlin thinking comes from! ;-)
Monday, November 3, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Weight Watchers
But what I really wanted to blog about this morning is the fact that I feel like I am always hungry!
So three years ago I lost about 20 pounds. Got down to a good weight for me. A pre-pregnancy weight! Then over the past two years I put on about 10 pounds per year and, bamm, there goes all my progress. This is the first time I have been through this particular cycle. I lost and gained weight, of course, with both my pregnancies, but I consider that a different thing. This was just plain sloth and gluttony!
Two weeks ago, looking for the motivation to lose those 20 pounds again, I joined Weight Watchers. And I persuaded a couple friends to do it with me! Now I am realizing how much work it is to lose weight! And regretting the inattentiveness that enabled me to gain those 20 pounds back. Bad habits of snacking and not exercising snuck up on me without me even realizing it. And bad habits are hard to break.
I get home from work about the same time the girls get home from school and we all have a snack. Even if we don't need it or aren't hungry, I think sometimes. Now I am hungry then cause my body is trained to eat then. So I have replaced that with 30 minutes on the treadmill while the girls do homework and lots of water If I really need something I have an apple or a cheese stick. Although usually after exercising I am not as hungry.
The Weight Watchers plan is becoming hard for me to follow after 2 weeks too because I feel like I am always hungry. I'm not. I actually have been eating well. I eat what the family eats. I just eat smaller portions than I used to. I do miss the chips and the white bread and the sweets. They are not good for me though and they add up so fast (which is what I have forgotten over the past two years.)
So last week I had lost 2.4 pounds and we weigh in today. I will keep you posted as to my progress. I don't think it will be that hard to take that 20 pounds off again in the 16 weeks I will be doing the program. (I could stand to lose a bit more than that, but that is my first goal.) I do hope this time though that I will have learned my lesson and work a bit harder to keep the 20 off.
So three years ago I lost about 20 pounds. Got down to a good weight for me. A pre-pregnancy weight! Then over the past two years I put on about 10 pounds per year and, bamm, there goes all my progress. This is the first time I have been through this particular cycle. I lost and gained weight, of course, with both my pregnancies, but I consider that a different thing. This was just plain sloth and gluttony!
Two weeks ago, looking for the motivation to lose those 20 pounds again, I joined Weight Watchers. And I persuaded a couple friends to do it with me! Now I am realizing how much work it is to lose weight! And regretting the inattentiveness that enabled me to gain those 20 pounds back. Bad habits of snacking and not exercising snuck up on me without me even realizing it. And bad habits are hard to break.
I get home from work about the same time the girls get home from school and we all have a snack. Even if we don't need it or aren't hungry, I think sometimes. Now I am hungry then cause my body is trained to eat then. So I have replaced that with 30 minutes on the treadmill while the girls do homework and lots of water If I really need something I have an apple or a cheese stick. Although usually after exercising I am not as hungry.
The Weight Watchers plan is becoming hard for me to follow after 2 weeks too because I feel like I am always hungry. I'm not. I actually have been eating well. I eat what the family eats. I just eat smaller portions than I used to. I do miss the chips and the white bread and the sweets. They are not good for me though and they add up so fast (which is what I have forgotten over the past two years.)
So last week I had lost 2.4 pounds and we weigh in today. I will keep you posted as to my progress. I don't think it will be that hard to take that 20 pounds off again in the 16 weeks I will be doing the program. (I could stand to lose a bit more than that, but that is my first goal.) I do hope this time though that I will have learned my lesson and work a bit harder to keep the 20 off.
Tired this morning - late night movie
I stayed up too late watching a movie last night. We were watching a couple of Chuck episodes that we had recorded and when that was over, the channel the TV was on had this movie called "Bonnie and Clyde". We knew it wasn't going to end well, but I didn't really know a lot about their story so we watched it all the way to the bitter end: (Spoiler alert!!! ;-) They died a gruesome death caught in a trap by someone they trusted, killed by a TX ranger who had been following them for some time.
The interesting thing was that what drove them into the bank-robbing business was the Great Depression. Times were bad then. Strange similarities to economic time today - failing banks, house foreclosures and joblessness abounded. But at least we still have drinking water and food. I pray daily these days that it doesn't come to that again anytime soon.
The interesting thing was that what drove them into the bank-robbing business was the Great Depression. Times were bad then. Strange similarities to economic time today - failing banks, house foreclosures and joblessness abounded. But at least we still have drinking water and food. I pray daily these days that it doesn't come to that again anytime soon.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
New Toys
My job issues me a computer and since I teach and do some work at home like lecture prep and grading, they have issued me a laptop. Well, apparently, my laptop had gone out of warranty, so they just switched me over to a new laptop. I love it! It has taken me a couple of days to get everything fixed back the way I like it, but it is really nice! When I was first issued my laptop, they asked me if I wanted a Mac or a PC. Since the first available was a Mac and my husband is a big fan, I decided to try it. I have really loved it. It took a bit of getting used to at first, but now I always go to the left to close windows. I have been trained!
New toys are so much fun! (Especially when they don't come with a big price tag!)
New toys are so much fun! (Especially when they don't come with a big price tag!)
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Two revelations I had today
I have been working on developing my personal prayer life. We do prayers as a family, but I am very bad about doing them by myself. So Father has assigned me to do the Jesus prayer for a minimum of five minutes a day as a start. It is amazing to me how difficult it is for me to remember to do this every day first of all! But I have been doing better recently and today I had two revelations because of it. I even had to pull over and write the second one down. (Yes, I have been doing my prayers in the car. It seems to be the time I remember to do them.)
First, I realized how praying more often makes me more conscious of my own sins. The more I spend time with God, the more I realized how separated I from Him. I know, this is elementary for some, but for me this is a revelation! I'm slow that way!
The second one I am going to transcribe from what I wrote when I pulled over in the car:
I must live in a state of "preparing for my next confession." I cannot be forgiven my sins and then just 'coast' until a week or so before I am 'supposed' to do confession again. This is what true repentance is - a constant awareness of my separation from God.
I have never gotten confession because it always seemed so forced. Little did I realize how much I really need it! I think I have always viewed it as a duty, something I did because it was required for all good Orthodox at least 4 times per year. And how awkward that is, trying to figure out what to confess during those times! It reduced the time I spent examining my own heart down to the week or weeks of fasting leading up to "doing it". ICK!
I am beginning to realize what so many of you already have figured out - I need to live in a state of preparing for confession or as I have heard so many times quoted of St. Isaac of Syria: "This life is given to you for repentance. Do not waste it on vain pursuits." He's not talking about just the fasting times. He is talking about my entire life, every day, every hour, every minute, in the very busy-ness of my life.
Realizing all this suddenly makes praying easier and more desirable. Not a chore to check off my to-do list. But my to-do list is so long sometimes that praying has to be on there in order to ensure it happens. God is loving and kind though and meets me in the five minutes I give Him.
I met God today. In five minutes.
First, I realized how praying more often makes me more conscious of my own sins. The more I spend time with God, the more I realized how separated I from Him. I know, this is elementary for some, but for me this is a revelation! I'm slow that way!
The second one I am going to transcribe from what I wrote when I pulled over in the car:
I must live in a state of "preparing for my next confession." I cannot be forgiven my sins and then just 'coast' until a week or so before I am 'supposed' to do confession again. This is what true repentance is - a constant awareness of my separation from God.
I have never gotten confession because it always seemed so forced. Little did I realize how much I really need it! I think I have always viewed it as a duty, something I did because it was required for all good Orthodox at least 4 times per year. And how awkward that is, trying to figure out what to confess during those times! It reduced the time I spent examining my own heart down to the week or weeks of fasting leading up to "doing it". ICK!
I am beginning to realize what so many of you already have figured out - I need to live in a state of preparing for confession or as I have heard so many times quoted of St. Isaac of Syria: "This life is given to you for repentance. Do not waste it on vain pursuits." He's not talking about just the fasting times. He is talking about my entire life, every day, every hour, every minute, in the very busy-ness of my life.
Realizing all this suddenly makes praying easier and more desirable. Not a chore to check off my to-do list. But my to-do list is so long sometimes that praying has to be on there in order to ensure it happens. God is loving and kind though and meets me in the five minutes I give Him.
I met God today. In five minutes.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Life is calming down
We had a big weekend - two parties at our house.
The first one on Sunday evening was a graduation party for a very long time friend who just finished his master's degree (with a 3.97 GPA!). We did a surprise party, called it pizza night which we routinely do on Sunday evenings, but his wife invited their family and all the church and a bunch of other friend too. She ended up inviting about a hundred thinking only half of them would come. But she didn't count on how beloved her husband was amongst all our friends. So we had 71 people in my house! And outside my house cause we didn't all fit inside!
Then we did something much smaller to celebrate Labor Day - just two other families. My husband has been wanting to try something he calls a 'mixed grill'. He did a smaller amount of about 5 different kinds of meats - chicken (rubbed in fresh thyme and rosemary), pork (marinated in lime and garlic), steak (marinated in sesame oil, sushi vinegar, and wasabi paste), brats (soaked in beer), and some italian sausage (he left that one alone). It was really yummy! (I turned the leftover chicken and sausage into cacciatore last night with a yellow pepper, onions, and mushrooms and a can of chopped tomatoes - again really, yummy!)
Now I am back at work and while, life is still the usually hectic-ness, it just doesn't seem as stressful. Migraine week is over. My husband worked 200+ hours in about 2 weeks getting ready for classes to start. That is now over. The big surprise party is over. Now we just have the usual day-to-day routine with school & homework, work & lesson prep, church & choir, ballet (2x per week now). Life is good! Busy, but good!
Got to go have lunch with my girls!
The first one on Sunday evening was a graduation party for a very long time friend who just finished his master's degree (with a 3.97 GPA!). We did a surprise party, called it pizza night which we routinely do on Sunday evenings, but his wife invited their family and all the church and a bunch of other friend too. She ended up inviting about a hundred thinking only half of them would come. But she didn't count on how beloved her husband was amongst all our friends. So we had 71 people in my house! And outside my house cause we didn't all fit inside!
Then we did something much smaller to celebrate Labor Day - just two other families. My husband has been wanting to try something he calls a 'mixed grill'. He did a smaller amount of about 5 different kinds of meats - chicken (rubbed in fresh thyme and rosemary), pork (marinated in lime and garlic), steak (marinated in sesame oil, sushi vinegar, and wasabi paste), brats (soaked in beer), and some italian sausage (he left that one alone). It was really yummy! (I turned the leftover chicken and sausage into cacciatore last night with a yellow pepper, onions, and mushrooms and a can of chopped tomatoes - again really, yummy!)
Now I am back at work and while, life is still the usually hectic-ness, it just doesn't seem as stressful. Migraine week is over. My husband worked 200+ hours in about 2 weeks getting ready for classes to start. That is now over. The big surprise party is over. Now we just have the usual day-to-day routine with school & homework, work & lesson prep, church & choir, ballet (2x per week now). Life is good! Busy, but good!
Got to go have lunch with my girls!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Overwhelmed by Emotion
The past two nights I have woken up about 5 am from a terrible dream. Not the same dream both nights, but both high emotion dreams.
The first night I was saying goodbye to my very best friend who was moving away and in my dream, right before I woke up, I was on the floor in a fetal position sobbing. When I woke up, I felt like I had been really crying.
This past night in my dream we had been away from church for a couple of weeks and when we came back, heretics had taken over and had changed everything away from the traditions of the church. I was so angry about it, my husband actually had to restrain me from doing bodily harm to someone. When I woke up, again, I felt like I had actually been through those emotions.
Do dreams actually mean something? (My husband asked me what I had been eating!) The first day kind of made sense because we are actually having to say goodbye to a family we are very close to who are moving far away. And in the second one, we actually have missed quite a bit of church recently. But I am wondering if these dreams have more to do with the overwhelming amount of stress, especially emotional stress I have been under with the start of school.
It will all be over on Friday! I need the long weekend! I think I will try to get some peaceful sleep.
The first night I was saying goodbye to my very best friend who was moving away and in my dream, right before I woke up, I was on the floor in a fetal position sobbing. When I woke up, I felt like I had been really crying.
This past night in my dream we had been away from church for a couple of weeks and when we came back, heretics had taken over and had changed everything away from the traditions of the church. I was so angry about it, my husband actually had to restrain me from doing bodily harm to someone. When I woke up, again, I felt like I had actually been through those emotions.
Do dreams actually mean something? (My husband asked me what I had been eating!) The first day kind of made sense because we are actually having to say goodbye to a family we are very close to who are moving far away. And in the second one, we actually have missed quite a bit of church recently. But I am wondering if these dreams have more to do with the overwhelming amount of stress, especially emotional stress I have been under with the start of school.
It will all be over on Friday! I need the long weekend! I think I will try to get some peaceful sleep.
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